Monday, August 20, 2012

T minus 22 days

The major updates from the past week are:
- We scheduled our moving dates (starting just 9 days away) and had our pre-move survey with the mover
- We reviewed real estate options in the Virginia area and discussed related issues with an agent
- We established our new bank account in DC (that we assume will be more conducive to international management issues than our Colorado bank)
- We continued our massive possession downsizing efforts

This will be my last week at my company.  While it's quite hard to believe, the change became much more real to me when we scheduled the movers.  The self-imposed level of effort is a bit staggering, but I can't help but feel we have it incredibly easy compared to a family with kids.  That has the sound of a classic horror story setup.

Unfortunately our house is still not yet under contract.  This will be a nuisance (to put it mildly) if we haven't sold our house by the time we need to fund our permanent housing in DC.  We also still have a variety of extra furniture we've been unable to sell.  This will also be a nuisance if we move furniture to DC and then have to try to sell it there.  Logistics.

For this week's retrospective on the top practical jokes in my 15 years at my current company:

2 - Chickens.  My co-worker had a great relationship with his two sons.  In addition to the good times, he also had to mete out his share of parental guidance (punishment).  The story goes that, when his sons misbehaved, he would sometimes make them move a stack of cement blocks from one side of the backyard to another - and then back again.  He was also arguably the ring leader of practical jokes around the office, with a particularly devious - or creative - mind, depending on how you look at it.

Along came his 50th birthday: his sons and co-workers decided this would not be a single-day celebration.  In fact a seven-day celebration was in order, with each event building to a crescendo.  His co-workers went to great ends to make a conventional mess of his office, which was all in good fun.  We weren't involved in all of the events, so we waited to hear the stories.  One morning he came in a bit late after his sons had stacked a pile of cement blocks behind his truck overnight - he had to move them before he could get out of his driveway.

The next morning I was in early and happened to be present when one of his sons brought into his office - you guessed it - two chickens.  Let your imagination run wild with the absurdity and you'll begin to get a feel for what it was like.  Two doors down from my office, the chickens started by bawk-BAWKing, then settled down to clucking, then eventually just murmured quiet chicken sounds with occasional outbursts.  Trying to get work done was like trying to sleep in a hotel with random loud noises in the hallway - just as I settled in a bit, a chicken's bawk-BAWK would resonate down the hall.  Eventually I was laughing so hard I was crying.  I called a friend to try to convey the scene but I couldn't control my hysterical laughter and I had to hang up.

When he arrived, he knew something was wrong because his door was closed.  He carefully opened the door and saw the pictures below. 


After he stopped swearing, he got some work gloves from his truck, closed the door to his office, and started trying to catch the two chickens.  For the rest of us, this was a glorious flashback to the days of old-time radio before television, when the listener heard all of the sounds and imagined the pictures.  What I neglected to imagine was that an excited chicken getting chased would poop on the floor, desks, and even mid-way up the walls.

He did catch them eventually (the chickens, not the sons) and they were released to some homeowners a block away from our office who actually had chicken coops (strange zoning for central Denver); no chickens were harmed.  He then spent some significant time cleaning his office.  I must say to his sons: bravo gentlemen.  Bra-vo indeed.

You might think that was the end of it, but no.  Evidently the sons had two more days planned.  Rumor had it a goat was somehow planned for one of them.  However, the sons felt their message of love had been received and they skipped the final two rounds.  Raising the alert level to Chicken was adequate: a Goat Alert was unnecessary.

(This post written while listening to The Samples Finest Role.)

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